Love For Rent

 One day you would leave and you know it; one day you would stop picking my calls nor reply my texts and you know it; one day you would visit me with that depressed look and give me the usual cliché “We need to talk” and you already know what to say; one day you would tell me “let’s give this a break” that’s how it all begins and you are sure of it.

However, you are waiting for a proof; that incriminating evidence that would help you prosecute your divorce and sentence me for love crimes; you are waiting for that CV of atrocities that would confirm me as a qualified Ex. You have waited for long and it is not forthcoming. You borrow my phones to make calls, only to check those phones for unfiltered and misguided messages and chats. You visit my house more than regularly, hoping to catch me sleeping on Duty.

You just need a proof to end this, and I understand that. You are so tired of the stories you have heard about me, or maybe you just want to move on with your new crush that has promised you Dubai even when he lives in the thickest parts of Awada. You just want to leave my sorry ass, but need a reason to bolt.

Too bad, I am smarter, no call histories, text messages, and even my chat history is wiped clean every two hours because I don’t know when the daughter of Man would come. You have hired undercover stalkers to check my details, to follow me even to the bathroom, I wonder what they hope to see me doing in a Male’s bathroom when they eventually followed me to one in a restaurant? Probably to see me rolling dice, I didn’t even know that was also part of love crimes.

Nevertheless, I am confused as to why you need a proof, we all know things ain’t working out anymore, our kisses are getting duller than pecks, and our Sex, Oh jeez have lost the S; sweetness. We are more like two adults having sex just to ejaculate and not for fun. Yet you need a proof.

Somehow I realised you are trying to secure a future, you know I am broke but accepted me anyway because you are naïve, but now that those Lekki girls have twin turned your honey pores with sweet stories of better men with green pockets, you want to dump my sorry ass. But your conscience is an impartial judge and has always intervened in my case with evidences of how caring and kind I was with you even when everybody thought you were too dumb to understand life. It brings before you evidences of how I showed you off to the world even when everybody thought you had villageness in you, now you are now Citilized and you want to bolt.

You want to have an answer for that cliché question when the next guy asks “What happened to your last relationship? Why did it end?” you know you need a concrete answer for him because you can’t just tell him you broke up without a reason or you broke up because you saw a more handsome and richer guy. You need to give him the usual answer just like every other girl “We broke up because he cheated” and that is why you have been looking for this evidence to nail me to the past.

Sometimes I wonder why virtually all the girls break up for the same reason, “He cheated” is that the only reason you girls can think of, even when the dude never cheated the answer remains the same. If all the girls broke up because they were cheated on, what happened to the guys that caught their girls sleeping with their best friends, oh that’s not classified and cheating, that’s a mistake.

Well, Sweetheart, I would try to plead when you are about to leave, I may not plead much because I know you wouldn’t change your mind, as for the evidence you are looking for, I just murdered your only witness in the case. ***I would never cheat, so you can’t catch me*** Good luck in looking for other reasons for our break, and please don’t forget anything when you leave because I would rent your space after you are gone.

#AugustusBill

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